Saturday, December 8, 2012

Climbing our "Mount Everest"

 I have always been afraid of heights. My greatest fear is falling. But... I absolutely love scenic pictures of snow peaked mountains and can only imagine the breathtaking view. However, mountain climbing was never on my"to do list."
Until now..
After a LONG and FRUSTRATING week... Sol and I came to accept the reality that God has given us our own "Mount Everest" to climb...
our daughter.
Last week, I mentioned the small baby step "I thought" we had made with her.  She approached me with the first sign of "genuine"affection and told me how much she loved me.  After a few days, her behavior spiraled down (again), she wanted to leave and decided to stop calling us her mom and dad. 
I can't tell you how many dark valleys we have gone through with her since she arrived home.
Our own logic tell us why she is pulling and pushing away...
but our heart is worn and we are exhausted. 
Loving her must be a daily choice...whether she pushes or pulls, we have a lifelong commitment to her.  Besides God, we are her only hope and yet this doesn't mean we have to accept her choices of chronic lying, stealing and manipulation.  Unfortunately, these are behaviors that she has learned in order to survive.
We have tried every "attachment book method.." and the only resources that daily save us from falling are the Bible and praying.  Our Creator has formed and created each one of our children so uniquely. 
 Only HE can see the beauty that is hidden within our daughter.
Unfortunately, right now... we struggle to see it.
We are still climbing... and have a long ways to go.
Everyday, we have to equip ourselves thoroughly by
 praying for
 an abundance of patience...
an overflow of God's love...
plenty of wisdom and discernment
and eyes to see past all of her fear, pain and grief.
I have come to a place where I have stopped asking for answers.
All I really need is...
the confidence to know that when this "mountain" seems nearly impossible to climb... we will eventually get to the top and be able to see the incredible view of all the valleys and hills that we survived through climbing our Mount Everest.