I'll admit, it gets weary dragging the cooler full of lunches/snacks, water bottles, umbrellas, blankets and chairs from one game to another... but I do it because I want to be there for my kids.
Nothing drives me more crazy than when one of our boys loses his position or forgets to mark his opponent. All I can hear is my dear husband in sync with their coaches..." FIND YOUR POSITION!!!"
And that's when I cover my eyes because it literally terrifies me to watch my child's team get defeated because he or another player lost their position.
Nothing describes our family as well as the game of soccer.
In addition to the behavioral challenges and attachment struggles, this past year has been all about our children finding their place of belonging and adopting us as their parents. We have been consistently reminding our children where they belong and who they belong to. As a result of our children's disrespect and resistance to accept me as their mother, I often feel "disqualified" to be their mom. Then again, attachment cannot happen until my children understand where they belong, who they are and who they belong to.
For the past 12 months, I have felt like a basket case of emotions. Every morning I drag myself out of bed and cheer myself on... " You can do this Chris! Yes you can!"
As much of a lunatic as I often feel I am, I am hopeful for the day that we will see healing progress.
Through all the thick layers of fog of confusion and pain, THERE ARE rare moments where we get to see signs of healing as our children begin to accept us.
A couple weeks ago, after grueling conversations... our eldest son told us that he didn't want to be part of our family anymore. He wanted to "shop" for a new set of parents. After spending some intense vacation time with extended family, he suddenly got confused. He detached himself from us and began to behave carelessly. As in the game of soccer, our son lost his position. Without warning, he removed himself from the game. Every day, he needs his coach (dad) and referee (mom) to remind him where his position on the field is and that he has no choice but to play with this team that God has chosen for him.
"I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion."-- Mia Hamm